Tinder Thots Tuesday: The Return
Hey hornballs, after a brief hiatus, we're back. Definitely took a few weeks off from this because of everything going on in the world that is far more important than a blog about Tinder bios and not because this is a one man operation and I needed to restock on bios.
But if you're new here, you can catch up on what TTT is all about below, and you'll realize this blog isn't about Tinder whatsoever:
A Red Sox and Yankees fan is like water and oil, like orange juice and brushing your teeth, and like thinking we'll see baseball in 2020. Somethings just aren't meant to be, and it sounds like someone needs to come at you for that because Natalie's parents messed something up along the way. Does Natalie decide who to cheer for based on the standings or does she root for the underdog? I need to know
It's like Facebook is trying to tell me something
I can't do many things in this world, but parallel parking is one of the few that I can. There's a legitimate argument that it's more important than being able to change a tire, but I'm an asshole who doesn't know how to do that and am compartmentalizing here. In my near 20 years on this planet, the most masculine I've ever felt was parallel parking another man's car because he couldn't. Felt bad at the time, but now I ask him every time I see him if he can parallel park yet, and you can guess the answer to that.
Amazing Race is one of the most underrated network television reality shows of all-time if you ask me. Not up there with the likes of Survivor and Big Brother, but can go 12 rounds with some of the other heavy hitters.
But in terms of reality shows that I think I'd have the best shot at winning:
Survivor- Plain and simple, I'm average looking enough to stick around and not be viewed as a threat early on. I'll help around camp, dominate any competition that doesn't require you to complete a puzzle and would run circles around my fellow castaways mentally. I wouldn't be the smartest person on the island, but I know how to maximize my extremely average brain's capacity.
Amazing Race- As long as I have a competent partner, I'm doing whatever is necessary to remain on the trail for as long as possible. Some may say my lack of "culture" would limit me here, but I'd argue otherwise. My biggest challenge in the game would be avoiding running out of Dramamine. You throw me in the back of a cab with someone who rides the brake and I'll be blowing chunks within minutes. Don't even get me started on airplanes.
American Idol- I was voted most likely to win the show by my eighth grade class, and I like to think they're honest individuals. I'd classify myself as a Baritone, I won't be singing Queen anytime soon, my voice profiles as a mix of Jim Croce and Evan Felker of the Turnpike Troubadours (RIP for now). I just gave to learn to transition between a handful of chords on the guitar and I'd win the competition. My audition song would be an acoustic rendition of Far Away by Nickelback, in an effort to show America that Nickelback is the most disrespected band of all-time. I'd become a meme for pouring out my heart to the judges who wish they were Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul about Nickelback but it would be worth it.
The Masked Singer- Would be higher on the list if I wasn't required to do something of importance before getting on to the show.
Project Runway- If I weren't colorblind I'm sure I could design clothes that average men would buy.
If you have any bios you'd like to see featured, please send them to me on Twitter @The1nnKeeper_