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  • The Inn Keeper

Tinder Thots Tuesday: Coronavirus, who?

Just kidding, I go to a school with 23.8% of students being international. Should I be scared probably not, but am I concerned?

Sounds like we have a student or two quarantined somewhere on campus to me, but what do I know. The university may think they can hide something like this from us, but they're wrong. Leave hiding things for Tinder because I'm definitely 6-feet tall and your bmi is completely normal.

Lily starting out our week with a LOADED question if you ask me. Now don't get me wrong, all of these ladies have been around the block a bit. At one point in their lives, they knew how to pleasure a man. Hillary strikes me as someone who was ok with it inadvertently slipping in the wrong whole. RBG is a traditionalist, but I can see her letting loose inside the confides of her love lodge and Elizabeth Warren is fun for a few minutes until you realize she's faking to get ahead.


RBG, talk about an absolute fox. With her being 86 at this point, I'm not even sure how that works at this point, but I'm marrying her. Can't go through a divorce if your significant other dies

I mean is Elizabeth Warren ACTUALLY Native American? Who knows at this point, but I'm taking my chances with this one and praying it's possible down there, because free college for my future kids is free college.

I'm killing Hillary (if I don't write this next week, you know why). She lost her touch before the rest of them, so much so that her husband was impeached for cheating while in the Oval Office. Did Hillary quit putting out, or did she just decide that anal wasn't very First Lady like?

SOS, if there is ANYONE on the University of Illinois' campus who understands Jessica's quotes from The Office, you may have just found your future wife! While we're here, let's power rank the sitcoms from the past decade (keep in mind, just what I've seen)

1. Parks and Rec

2. Always Sunny

3. The Office

4. How I Met Your Mother

5. Modern Family- cry about it, I dare you.

Hit me with your power rankings on Twitter @lifeattheinn. I guarantee you I'll respond.

In my 19.5 years of existence, not once has it crossed my mind that Four Loko is half English half Spanish. Did they decide four loko rolls off the tongue better than Quattro crazy, or maybe it was that they thought every underaged kid who'd be buying them would be confused by the name? If Four Loko had been named Quattro Loko, it would have been even bigger than it ever was if you ask me. Just sounds like it's dangerous and something you want to try at least once. Speaking of, I want to say fuck you to the kids younger than me who get to skip over Four Loko and go straight to White Claw, Truly or whatever seltzer they choose. I was the last wave of passage where getting blacked out on Four Loko was a right of passage, and while it is repulsive looking back on it, I don't regret it. There's nothing like blacking out playing 16-inch softball 2.5 miles form home at 16 and being forced to find your way home. When I made it home virtually unscathed, I was ready to approach Queen Isabella for my 3 ships to find the New World.


Kim's also a repulsive liar, I wasn't heartbroken when she denied my Linkedin request, but I sure as hell was disappointed.

HA, imagine not having $64 million dollars to pay Nick Castellanos! Have fun when Kris Bryant walks, paying Jason Heyward $96 million more to play Right Field, losing one of Wilson Contreras and Javier Baez, and have NO prospects to replace any of them. But wait! The Marquee Sports Network is going to solve all of their issues! My ass, get me to July 7th on 35th Street when the White Sox begin their take over of the city. 14 days until pitchers and catchers report for the Chi-Sox, inject it directly into my fucking veins.


Checking Out

-The Inn Keeper