Daddy Gang, I Am Unwell
Updated: May 29
I didn't want to dip the pen regarding two young ladies who get paid $500,000 a year to talk about sucking dick without actually doing it, but here we are... if there demographic wasn't my demographic I wouldn't be giving these hacks their time of day which is ironic I am a Twitter account with 171 followers but I digress!
Alex Cooper and Sofia Franklyn, the hosts of the wildly successful podcast Call Her Daddy, are ready for war with each other after laughing all the way to the bank the past year or so talking about their sexual exploits, how to Gluck Gluck someone's soul out of their body, and the correct way to cheat on a man. It's a shame that these tactics became a rallying cry for women to continue objectifying men in the year of our lord, 2020, but that's the environment we live in nowadays and if you're struggling to come to terms with that, I stand in solidarity with you.
But now that Cooper and Franklyn are seemingly headed to court OVER a man, what are we going to do Daddy Gang? Sofia has abandoned us, and it seems like Alex wants to carry on with the show, but I just want to know whether or not women will continue to cover up their own securities by emasculating men on a daily basis because their Father's told them to? Will Alex change her tone if she ends up turning this into a solo operation.
*Marvin's Room playing in the background*
When will it end?
Just to address the elephant in the room, I fall into has potential or might be worth it depending on the day. Do what you will with that information.
But I can't help but point out that since the Fathers have cum into our lives, men have been objectified more than ever. I appreciate that Allie at least pretends to factor personality into her Dick to Dick Danger Zones chart, but the structure of the chart has some serious flaws.
Are we just going to act like there aren't people walking around with a 10+ inch piece in their pants? Not saying that it's common, in fact if I had to guess, there are almost certainly more people in the 0-3 inch region, but it's unfair to say that there aren't gentlemen walking around with a third leg. And let me just say, whatever happened to big dick energy? Seems like BDE doesn't matter anymore, and in that case, I'll go back to drinking my Vodka Cranberries and Tequila Sunrises in peace!
How much of a dick do you have to be to be thrown into the 19-22 range? Probably Suit Man levels if you ask me! A shame that a MAN was able to come in between the Fathers, who would have thought!
In reality, the weighting of the scale is completely off. Why is the personality scale become less weighted the more it increases? We're always told that nice guys finish last, and it shows that some of you haven't spent any time with the people who make up the let it go or has potential sections. None of you will ever understand what it's like to try and convince yourself that saying the Pledge of Allegiance in your mind will actually make a difference.
But since it appears that Call Her Daddy will never return to form, the Daddy Gang is going to be left with a void to fill in their lives. While I won't go into details about my extremely below average sex life for an hour a week, I will dig in on Tinder Bios every Tuesday right here on The Goonery. Send me bios that you find to be insulting, funny or anything in between, because I'd love to feature them. I'm just as unwell as the rest of you, but we can get through this together with you reading Tinder Thots Tuesday every week:
And for all of my kings out there who have been exploited by anyone from the Daddy Gang or Allie's chart, just listen to this and remember, the times, they are changing.