Updated: May 29, 2020
After our King and "Queen" officially called it quits the other day, it appears we have Chicago's newest "it" couple- Roquan Smith and Abella Danger! Now it doesn't look there's much social distancing going on here, but Roquan appears to have staked his claim on Abella by gifting her his visor, and in layman's terms- they're fucking.
Since I've started writing this, Roquan has removed the picture of Ms. Danger from his story, and I don't see it being because of embarrassment. This is probably one of the few times where Roquan wouldn't be coming up short in all honesty, wish I was able to relate. Plain and simple, it's not reaching.
Roquan may not necessarily be Brian Urlacher 2.0 like many had hoped he'd develop into, but nonetheless, if he's able to figure out whatever the hell he has going on off the field (and it appears he's getting there), the Bears might be moving in the right direction for 2020. From the Front Office finally deciding they wouldn't be picking up Mitch's 5th Year Option, to Roquan bagging one of the most popular Porn Stars in the world, it's been a great day for the Chicago Bears.
Also, Roquan had to have deleted this from his story because of his agent, right? Have to imagine that phone call included a lot of yelling because he Roquan "doesn't understand" he has young kids following him and now they'll be looking up Abella on the internet. Buddy, factoring in how easily available porn is now mixed with being stuck inside for about 2 months now, every kid from the ages of 12 to 23 has rug burn on their dick. They knew who Abella was before, let's net beat around the bush. But for the older fellas who follow Roquan and are still yanking it to their stash of nudie magazines and VHS tapes from when they were in high school, they're on cloud nine. I wouldn't be surprised if this was what led the vocal majority of Roquan hater's to flip the switch on him, because he's "great for the community," but you can bet your ass they'll be hugging their daughters a little bit tighter tonight after watching what Abella's capable of.
And if you're of the opinion that this boat trip is going to kill the Bears like the 2017 New York Giants, I've got some news for you- the Bears are already dead. This is the redemption story, from rags to riches back to rags and now back to riches for the Bears. I'm not saying Abella Danger is going to inspire the 2020 Bears and lead them back to playoffs, but when Roquan wins DPOY, we all know it's because he's getting Grade A Top before his head hit the pillow every night.
Praying Roquan keeps Abella away from Nick Roles, just for his own health...
Don't think I was actually going to blue ball you all like that
If you're still here, go find what you're actually looking for you horny fuck!