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Who Would You Want To Trade Lives With?

I've been away from The Goonery for longer than I'd like, but when you're hired as a dishwasher at the local watering hole and are taking two summer classes, life comes at you fast. I've spent the majority of my hours the past few weeks inside of a kitchen listening to Spanish music and being presumably verbally assaulted in a language I don't understand outside of being able to read a menu. The mind wanders when you was dishes all day and a thought I'd been wrestling wit internally for awhile is if I could be any other person, who would it be?

More often than not, I feel like guys are going to roll with one of their favorite athletes, maybe a comedian or an actor. For every Tom Brady, there's seemingly a Joe Rogan. If I were to be an athlete it'd be Mike Trout, and I wouldn't think twice about it. $430 million dollars, already considered one of the all-time greats and is marketed so poorly by Major League Baseball that the average person on the street wouldn't be in awe of seeing Mike Trout, instead they'd be mesmerized by his thicc neck.

But in my opinion, the only correct answer for this question is John Mayer, and it's a simple breakdown.


It's a large amount of YouTube videos, and quite frankly I don't care. Watch them all if you're unaware of how talented Mayer really is. Up until about 6 months ago, when I heard the name John Mayer I thought of Your Body Is A Wonderland and that was the extent of his discography I knew off the top of my head. Now, when I think of John Mayer, it's his guitar playing. When Eric Clapton calls you an icon with a 6 string, you know you're doing something right. People will watch some of the videos I attached and argue that John Mayer doesn't have his own sound with the guitar and that he copies the styles of the greats, but in my opinion, it's more of Mayer admiring who'd come before him and doing it as a tribute. And if you don't think he's special, just watch him play Neon, it gives every man and woman within 50 miles an orgasm.

I think my favorite part about John Mayer fans is that there are two different types: the first being women who want to be disrespected by him, the second being men who get hard on's watching I'm play the guitar and bring their girlfriends to his concerts because he knows she likes him. Can't wait to do that.

The Kill List

One through nine, this lineup goes toe to toe with any person whose ever walked on this earth. Looking at a list like this makes you wonder what he does to make these into reality. Does his charm and good looks make it that easy? Do famous people get turned on by musicians like the rest of us? I'm saying all of these things, but we all know it's the music paired with him having a wrench that your Mechanic would love to get for Father's Day in his pants.

The crazy part is that Mayer's kill list is probably approaching or well past the thousands, he's the type of cool that walks into any room in the world and immediately becomes the center of attention. I'm sure if John and I went Freaky Friday I'd still find a way to mess things up, probably get my hand mangled in a meat grinder and completely lose the ability to strum a guitar. Regardless, this will never happen, but I'm forcing my future children to learn an instrument from an early age, picking up the guitar at 19 is not going well, and I'm a solid 3 lifetimes away from being able to play Neon.

Agree of disagree with my choice? Hit me on Twitter @The1nnKeeper_ and let me hear your rationale. Love friendly banter with random Twitter folk.

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