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What the hell? March 11, 2020 Will Go Down As One Of The Strangest Days Of My Life

Chicago St. Patrick Day Parades being cancelled?

Travel to and from Europe suspended for 30 days?

The NBA season being suspended and the potential of Rudy Gobert infecting the entire league?

The NCAA Tournament being played in front of no fans (and most likely being cancelled)?

The University of Illinois moving to online classes for the "foreseeable" future?

Tom Hanks HAVING coronavirus?

In my 19.5 years of life, I really can't remember (key word: remember), a day as wild as yesterday. Yes, I was alive for 9/11, but I was barely a year old at that time. It has staying power, clearly. It led us to a war that still seemingly isn't over, but also gave us Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue by Toby Keith. You win some, you lose some. However, I'd be lying if I didn't think the coronavirus was being overblown slightly up until yesterday.

First, it was the Italian shutdown and seeing people I'm friends being shutdown from their study abroad programs. That sucks, there's really no other way to put it. Imagine going from playing school in Italy and traveling around Europe on the weekends to sitting in your basement wondering what you're going to be doing for credits with your hand down your pants. I guess sitting in your basement with your hand down your pants could be worse, but that's the opposite of what I want to be doing.

Then we were hit with the NCAA announcing the tournament will be played in front of no crowds, BUT it will be played! Well in the 16ish hours or so since that's been announced, major conference tournaments are being cancelled and it's not looking good for the best couple of weeks in the sports' year. I planned on sitting in my basement with my hand down my pants betting the board everyday and it might be for the best that I don't go 47% and lose money that I don't have. Pretty awesome that it's the first year the Illini have been good in ages and the tournament's going to be cancelled. They need a National Championship before they become I'd like to award them the National Championship, but UCF has probably already done that.

I could give two shits about Chicago's St. Patrick Day Parades being cancelled, if we're being completely honest. Yeah it sucks that I can't be hammered in public at 10 AM on Saturday and Sunday, but I'll day drink in someone's backyard still. It does suck because The Goonery was going to get it's first piece of video content out there from the weekend but coronavirus has to pull a fast one.

Now when the Jazz-Thunder game was cancelled moments before tip last night I assumed someone died in the locker room or there was a bomb threat. Someone may have not died literally, but Rudy Gobert committed career suicide if you ask me.

I'm not going to go as far as saying Gobert should be jailed for this like the rest of the clowns in Woj's replies, but I'd be thoroughly surprised is Rudy Robert isn't blacklisted from the league, almost shadow banned in a way. And you know if Donovan Mitchell's case of coronavirus is worse than Gobert's, those freaks from Salt Lake City are going to be knocking down the door of his house like two students from BYU who took the soaking a little bit too far.

I do think it'll be interesting to see how the NBA handles this moving forward. If the virus is contained in the US lake everyone's hoping, I think we could see everything resume to normal (or close to it) by May, and this could be the NBA's way of introducing a new playoff format. I remember a few years ago they were tossing around the idea of the play in tournament with the 6-10 seeds. That's one way to ensure Zion will get to play LeBron in the playoffs, and who's to say the Bulls don't make a run?

It was matter of when, not if the University of Illinois would be moving to online classes in order to curb the spreading of the coronavirus and through a series of extremely vague emails, we'll be going online starting March 23rd after our spring break concludes. Professors and TA's have been prepping for this the last week or so, and while it'll be nice to be at home, not cooking or spending too much money on drink deals that are theoretically supposed to be saving me money, I won't be productive. Not that I'm functioning at a high rate while in Champaign, the productivity levels are going to come to a screeching halt if it's anything like the Winter Break/Summer classes I've taken. I appreciate the University trying to keep students in a pattern by having online lecture's taking place at the time of our instruction (shout out my 8 AM marketing professor for not doing that), but how productive is that actually going to be? Granted I learn by myself more than in lecture anyways, it's still going to suck. If I wanted this, I'd be at the University of Phoenix....

Live look at Professor's across America giving online lectures

Sidenote: If you're ready for a conspiracy theory, I think college and universities are cancelling because they want to test run a completely online Bachelor's program. Yes, I know that they're already offered some places, but you're telling me schools like Illinois wouldn't make even more money if they had completely online programs? Yeah, they'll close because of the virus, but you're dumb if you don't think schools everywhere are licking their chops about this.

Then Illinois announced that all study abroad programs are going to be suspended until AT LEAST August 15th. I'm supposed to be starting in England September 11th and can't wait for the limbo I'm going to be left in. Either way I'm getting screwed because I either don't get to study abroad or I don't register for classes at Illinois while in waiting because I'm supposed to be going abroad and end up taking nothing of substance. Hey, at least there's a CHANCE of me going in the Fall.

But the most sobering event of all, the nail in the coffin, was hearing that America's dad, Tom Hanks, has the coronavirus.

I'll be watching Forrest Gump tonight if you need me.

But it's sad to say that it takes people of stature to start getting the virus for some to start taking this thing seriously. It's not just the flu, you fucking buffoons, stop thinking that and realize we've got quite the situation on our hands here. The stock market's at its worst since '08, whole countries are shutting down, American sports are being cancelled, this seems like the end to me, folks. But at least there's a positive in all of this:

Checking Out

-The Inn Keeper

Wash your fucking hands, people.

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