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What the hell? Cameron Diaz just gave birth to her first child at 47

Gonna be honest, I forgot Cameron Diaz existed, but Bad Teacher definitely got the juices flowing at sleepovers in 5th grade, and she'll always have a piece of my heart because of that. But today, Diaz announced on Instagram that her and her husband, Benji Madden of Good Charlotte have welcomed their first child, Raddix Madden to the world.

I'm never someone to openly bash anyone's family life, but what the hell were these two thinking? Diaz is 47, Madden is 40, and this is the point in their lives where they should be complaining about sending their kids to college because it's so expensive! Now, we all know that it wouldn't be an issue for these two to send a kid to college, but they're going to be spending their golden years raising a fucking child! If I found out my significant other was pregnant at 47-years old, I'd not only ask who the father is, but immediately look up where the nearest planned parenthood facility is. Diaz is going to be attending dance recitals of her CHILD into her late fifties and that sounds like hell on earth to me. Now that I think about it, she's definitely going to homeschool young Raddiz because what else is she doing now that she's retired from acting?

Rough look to name your daughter Raddix, do all celebrities feel like they're in a contest to give their children the dumbest names possible? It's like when Doug in The Wedding Ringer looked around his medicine cabinet and told his fiancé that his best man's name was Bic Mitchum. Probably were using raddish for a dinner recipe and though, ah Raddix is a name that no one would ever name their daughter! Let's roll with it.

Congrats to the family, but at the same time, I am so fucking sorry for you, your lives just got flipped upside down.

Quick shout to Benji Madden though, because he has no business landing someone like Diaz. Being musician seems like the best way to guarantee a girlfriend or wife out of your league. Plus, he's only 5'6, a major win for short kings everywhere.

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