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The Top 5 Viruses Of All Time Ranked

Updated: May 29, 2020

Viruses are hot in the street. Markets are as low as they've been since the 2008 crash, and have wiped $5 trillion off stocks across the world. Study abroad students are being sent back to the US since the coronavirus has rapidly spread throughout Europe. To put it bluntly, the coronavirus is scary. As a swine flu survivor, I really thought the coronavirus was a bunch of non-sense, but the Chinese lied to the world about how serious it actually is/was, shocker! I guess that's what you get for eating bat soup.

But as serious of a problem the coronavirus is shaping up to be, it's still not even close to the worst virus our planet's ever seen. Plus, we have nothing to worry about in the US, Mike Pence has everything under control



Pretty much everyone has it


Not the deadliest virus, but the most contracted

West Nile Virus / Zika

Put FOGO on the map, a virus that will make you think twice before going outside

The Brown Bottle FLU

oof you never want to wake up with this feeling, only gets harder when you're older

Anti - Vaxxers

The Mark Messier of viruses, not the one scoring the goals, but helping pave the way for great looks, a true unselfish team player. Shout out Jenny McCarthy

5. The Computer Virus

A virus that can affect your life in more ways than one. putting Trojan horse back on the map

4. Coronavirus

The Rookie

The viral virus, there's something to be said for the daily images of hazmat suits on the news disinfecting entire cities, sheer makings of a star power. Still a rookie, with the way this trending, it's absolutely going to rocket up the list. But for now, it's checking in at the bottom of my list. I'll start to fear it a little bit more as soon as the University of Illinois moves our classes to entirely online. And no, I'm not making that up. A little birdie informed me that as soon as this is officially labeled as a pandemic in the United States, the university will be shut down and I'll be taking classes from my bed at home. Not a bad gig if you ask me, but then again people across the world as dying and our body isn't immune to it. Not great

3. The Herp

You don't want to get this.

2. HIV

A generational talent

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this started with some dude sticking his dick inside of baboon. I mean,,,,,,,,,,

How many beers?

AIDS would number two on the list if people weren't beating it, and Magic Johnson wasn't still alive and well.

Funny story on the topic of AIDS, my family is into plays. Musicals keep the extended family connected, and a few years ago we went and saw RENT. My mom loves the play, played the music around the house throughout my childhood. Despite all of this, all I ever knew about the play was that there 525,600 minutes in a year to measure the seasons of love. I hated the play throughout the entire first act. Wanted to leave if I'm being honest because I couldn't comprehend the stupidity of people complaining about paying rent when they were unemployed. Well what'd ya fucking know! The rent they were worrying about was actually their lives and it tugged at my heart strings the rest of the play.

And that was talking musicals

1. Black Death

200 million causalities, the deadliest pandemic of all time

This was standard for doctors at one point, and it still led to 25 million people dying during the 13th century. Medicine has advanced to the point that I'm amazed when we don't have a cure for something, but at this point you could have easily died from the common cold. When you're shitting in the streets and leaving garbage everywhere it's only a matter that the rats get infected.

Agree or disagree? Let us know in the comment section or on twitter @the_Goonery

Checking Out

-The Inn Keeper

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