The impeachment cucked the White Sox's promotional schedule + offseason thoughts
Leave it to Trump for the second biggest day of the Sox's offseason (so far) to be completely overshadowed. The Sox typically offer solid promotions year in and year out, probably because they need to attract fans to the stadium but let's not talk about that. Let's talk about the limitless potential of the Chicago White Sox, Chicago's REAL baseball team, and yes, I mean that. Real White Sox fans are the true embodiment of Chicagoans. Do we overreact to absolutely everything? Absolutely, but we're also some of the biggest pessimists of all-time. And if you want to talk baseball at the ballpark, you sure as fuck shouldn't go to the giant jerk circle on the North Side.
I can honestly say I have legitimate hope for the White Sox this coming year, that's something I don't think I've ever said. Yes, I was around for '05, but I don't remember shit. The Sox play in quite possibly the worst division in all of American sports, with a young, hungry core, this team can compete. Is Tim Anderson going to regress offensively and continue to make errors at short? Yes. Do the Sox still have question marks in the rotation bullpen and outfield? Yes. Do the Sox have a manager who believes sacrifice bunting is a smart decision, despite what the analytics tell him? You betcha! And do the Sox have a bag of bones for an owner who refuses to spend his money and simultaneously runs two storied franchises into the ground, despite having some of the hungriest fans in sports? OF COURSE THEY DO!
The Sox have one of the best young cores in all baseball- Moncada, Eloy, Giolito and a healthy Kopech, Robert, Madrigal and Vaughn on the way. Add in the veteran presences of Tim Anderson, Abreu, and the game's best catching duo in Grandal and McCann, you have something to build off of.
Sox fans are complaining that we haven't made splashy enough moves this offseason, especially at the Winter Meetings. But, uh, hey! Remember when Jerry actually allowed Hahn to spend $73 million on Grandal and came outta nowhere with the signing?
Look, I get why the Mazara trade is frustrating, but if Rick Hahn's quotes stating this isn't a primary move are true, I have hope for the season still. Go out and sign Castellanos and make Cub fans hate us even more, because we don't deserve him! That situation creates a perfect platoon for Mazara and fixes any potential question marks at DH in the process.
As for pitching- is Ross Detweiller or Dylan Covey are in the starting rotation come April, I'll be on a hunger strike until they're DFA'd or taken out of the rotation. The Sox have about $78 million on payroll for 2020, good for 22nd in the league... what's the excuse?
Guys like Keuchel and Ryu are still available and fit the bill for the veteran left-hander needed in the back end of the rotation. Give Ryu 4/$80 and just get this over with before fans lose all hope with ownership and upper-management, it will be tough to sway him to move his family from SoCal but I have hope. BuT rYu HaS iJuRy IsSuEs! Well guess what, the Sox have the necessary depth in case that happens with Rodon's eventual return and Dunning's arrival. Just be fucking thankful we didn't overpay MadBum and his 41.6%(!) Flyball rate. Aids is the only way I was able to describe what it would be like having him pitch on the South Side to my dad.
But if the Sox decided to sign someone like Matt Harvey and Felix Hernandez like I always thought they would, I'm pulling a Will Hunting, except my Skylar is Mike Trout and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
There's no reason this team shouldn't win at least 83-85 games this year, but they need to make the necessary moves. If they can't land any of the remaining free agents, hand Moncada a blank check and lock up your Face of the Franchise- yes, I mean that. Best player on the roster at this point, Eloy's defense will always hold him back (in terms of WAR) and for all we know Robert can completely flame out in the bigs.
Lock him up- I repeat LOCK. HIM. UP.
Now the important stuff
Solid all the way around, per usual. Happy to see the return of Hawaiian shirts and hoodies, I got both last year and they're surprisingly good quality. May 30th is already circled on my calendar and I'm not even a bobblehead guy (those people are fucking weirdos), but talk about an awesome design for the biggest cocksucker the South Siders have seen since A.J. Pierzynski. And I mean cocksucker in the absolute most loving way possible.
Rankings according to what Reinsdorf thinks will make him the most money
2. Hawaiian Shirt
3. Soccer Jersey
4. Basketball Jersey
5. Giolito Star Wars Bobblehead
6. TA7 Bobblehead
7. Long Sleeve
8. Puffy Vest (going to see an absurd amount of these in Section 108 come May with no shirts underneath)
9. Moncada Bobblehead
10. Replica Scoreboard- the olds just felt blood flow in their cock for the first time since '87 because of this.
-The Inn Keeper