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The Belted Kingfisher Is Not The Answer At The University Of Illinois

When you think of Fighting Illini, is the Belted Kingfisher what comes to mind? If you ask me, it's the exact opposite, in all honesty. But a week or so ago, the University held campus elections with a few survey questions scattered in regarding the future of our campus. You best believe I voted to keep our 50 cent media fee and $1.50 fee for study abroad funding- really am curious if there are people who voted against it, but then again, we're living in a world where the University of Illinois might have the Belted Kingfisher as a mascot.

Now I understand the student vote isn't official (I don't see alumni allowing this to pass), but what's the logic behind students thinking the Belted Kingfisher is a mascot fit for the University of Illinois, or the Big Ten? I get that Illinois athletics have been the laughing stock of the B1G for awhile now, at the bottom of the barrel with Rutgers in all honesty, but a fucking bird? Not even an intimidating bird if you ask me! Looks like a hummingbird all dolled up to go to a UTSA basketball game.

Taken from u/mickgee2k14 via Reddit

While I don't hate this concept art from Reddit, I have two major gripes

1. If you're trying to eliminate The Chief (rip), get it the fuck away from everything. Eliminate it

2. It looks like a vagina

The Chief is never coming back, and people need to get that through their head. Should have never left when the Redskins are still the Redskins, and Florida State still has a Seminole doing this before every home football game:

Give me a break!

I'll be honest, I don't get the University's obsession to find a mascot at the moment. Last year, it was Alma Otter, this year the Belted Kingfisher. Neither have a direct affiliation with the University (or the state of Illinois, if you ask me), but you know who does?

Find me someone who hates Abe Lincoln, matter of fact, I'll Venmo you $100 if you can find someone who legitimately thinks he was a bad person. No one's going to argue this mascot's a symbol of racism, either. Anyone out there support slavery? No? Didn't think so!

Throw a pair of boxing gloves on an Abe Lincoln mascot and the Illini are all the way back, baby! I don't think Ayo Dosunmu gets excited to shove his large, veiny cock down the Big Ten's throat next year with the belted Kingfisher on the sideline, but Abe Lincoln with boxing gloves?

Great photoshop, Inn Keeper!

Checking Out

-The Inn Keeper

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1 Comment

  1. The mascot doesn't need to be intimidating shit-dick, we get stomped every year by the Badgers, Hawkeyes, and Golden Gophers.

  2. Have you ever seen a vagina??

  3. Your tangent about Abe Lincoln is stupid and unrelated

  4. Kingfisher would be a dope mascot

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