It's that time of the year- first semesters over, your grades weren't as great as they should've been and you spent more money than you should have. If that doesn't sum up your fall semester, than kudos to you because I'm in a rough spot right now for Christmas gifts. It could be worse because I preemptively stashed away a few hundred bucks of cash after I quit my shitty bar job at school, knowing I'd run dry quickly- talk about having some self-awareness. The problem is, you want these gifts to have some thought. Look, I like getting cash and gift cards, but I'm still at the age where I guarantee its viewed as laziness, despite letting the recipient choose their own adventure. I digress
But here's my guide to Christmas shopping for those special family members in your life, not getting into girlfriends because your family members are more than just a hole. Capping each gift at about $50 a person for reference.
I've never been olde enough to buy presents for a grandpa, but I feel like this theory applies to them even more than your grandma- buy them their weakness. In the case of my grandmas, it's two different ends of the spectrum, one loves to smoke and gamble, the other loves to buy shit she doesn't need and bake. The latter is easy to buy for- couple of packs of Seneca Menthol's and scratch offs. You might ask, why not buy her a Juul? My grandma basically called Juul owners pussies, might as well completely fuck your lungs with cheap, Native American cigs. This combo sounds like something a college kid would enjoy getting, and maybe that's why I love my grandma so much. Can't wait to hit the blackjack table with her eventually.
As for my other grandma, I'll probably be buying her a cookbook she doesn't need for the third year in a row and a Home Goods gift card. It'll bring her to tears again, and I'll lock up the title of favorite grandchild for at least one more year. Tale as old as time.
Siblings I'm the oldest, so I set the tone in this department. My brother's still too young where I can comfortably buy him a handle of whatever he likes or a case of beer, but we're getting close to those days. Once they're seniors in high school, I feel like that's a socially acceptable gift that your parents can't get too mad about. Not only are you saving them money, you're taking away the risk of them using the fake id they inevitably own- sorry mom and dad. Instead, focus on whatever they're currently infatuated by, and this isn't as difficult as it may seem considering you've been away at school for the past 3.5 months. Stalk their social media accounts, and ask your parents what they've been into. The gift might not make sense to you, but for about 2 more months, you're the coolest sibling imaginable.
They don't care what you get them, they'll love it. It's inevitable that your mom will tell you its too much so buy her something she'll genuinely love and appreciate. I hit up the bookstore at school this year and grabbed my mom a few things that she'll love, I hope. Online shopping is easy, but there's something special about walking into a store with an idea of what you're going to get someone and buying something that's not even remotely close. Do you run the risk of your debit card getting scimmed and replacing it for the second time in a year? Absolutely, but don't let that scare you out of in-person shopping.
And if you're really scraping for cash right now, clean the entire house. I mean give the house a DEEP clean, I mean scrubbing places that haven't been touched in years, dust everything, clean the fridge, scrub and shine the countertops if that applies to you and make the toilets fucking sparkle. You won't be asked to do anything else over your winter break either, I love this gift.
Honestly one of the hardest people to shop for year in and year out. You can only buy them so many ties, no one actually wants to read that book you're buying them and since the Brookstone at my mall closed its doors, I've been reeling. I used to walk into that store without a clue in the world of what I planned on buying my dad, but I ended up struggling with what to buy each and every time. Hit Brookstone up if you have one close to home, it won't disappoint. But now? I'm all about giving experiences, and call me selfish, but I assume that the extra ticket I buy will go to me. For Father's Day, I bought solid tickets for the White Sox-Yankees game and had a damn good time crushing beers and watching America's game with my Pops. I haven't decided what I'm doing this year yet, either a group massage or tickets to Tyler Childers and Sturgill Simpson in April. I'll let you all know what I decided to roll with.
If you agree or disagree with any of these let me hear it on Twitter @lifeattheinn. Want to interact with the readers as much as I possibly can. Happy Holidays ladies and gentlemen, and remember, wait until dinner to bring up the Impeachment, trust me.
-The Inn Keeper