• The Inn Keeper

Is it Sock, Shoe, Sock, Shoe OR Sock, Sock, Shoe, Shoe?




If you were able to power through that title without falling victim to a brain aneurysm, thank you. Earlier today, I saw Bert Kreischer tweet this out and thought, what type of peanut brain imbeciles wake up in the morning and feel like it makes sense to go SOCK SHOE SOCK SHOE? Well apparently, people are a hell of a lot dumber than I ever imagined!




Wash your socks, buddy guy! Maybe some bleach?

And while the overwhelming majority of responses to The Machine's tweet were SOCK SOCK SHOE SHOE, I'm still concerned that there are people who operate the other way around. They argue efficiency, and I argue that you're a fucking serial killer that deserves to be wrapped up in an institution inside of one of the rooms with padded walls. How much time and energy can you possibly think you're saving by only bending down/lifting your leg twice in comparison to four times? If ANYTHING your body should be thanking you for using your core for .5 more seconds than you would have otherwise. Some fucking people disgust me.


And what the fuck about your pants?? Are you freaks putting your pants on over your shoes? Or are those of you with the mental capacities of fruit flies living in areas where you can wear shorts every single day? That side of the argument just screams I live in California and don't know what the real world is like to me! Must be nice to be a full-time Instagram influencer and travel blogger because you're better looking than a Midwest 7, some things, fucking christ.


But I'm being serious, there's nothing worse than the slip up that happens MAYBE once or twice a year where you completely forget to put on pants before putting on your shoes. You feel like you belong in the circus, riding around on one of those tiny tricycles with the bears who would maul their handlers if it didn't mean getting electrocuted for coming too close to them, whoops did I say that? But when this major league slip up occurs, the debate that goes on in your head is requires more thought than Trump's to bomb Iran



Do these pants have enough give to fit my shoes through?
Are these pants hemmed? Fuck I don't remember
Are these shoes even clean enough to try and squeeze them through the pants?
Ah fuck it, let's try it!

And then you get one leg through successfully and feel like you've made the right choice. You sit down to pull the second leg and shoe through the pant leg and pause- "What the fuck am I doing?" You take the shoes off, pull the other leg through and THEN put both shoes back on because you're a human being, if you disagree, crawl back into whatever cave you came from like the creature that you are.


Checking Out

-The Inn Keeper



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