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Enjoy Your Stay

Updated: May 29, 2020

-19 -White Male


-Degenerate Gambler

If you think that sounds like almost every other internet blogger, you're absolutely right.

A litte bit more background about myself

- The Chicago White Sox break my heart more than give me joy

- I am extremely color blind (confirmed not a racist)

- Bought an acoustic guitar this past summer in hopes of getting laid more and thinking I'd be able to learn in 2.5 months. I didn't even learn how to play Wonderwall and might be the least musically talented person of all time

- Country Music is king, and I'm not talking about that radio bullshit. Inject Childers, Jinks, Stapleton and Colter Wall into my veins.

You're probably wondering about where my name, The Inn Keeper, comes from and it's not a nickname I gave myself. Fuck, it's not even necessarily a nickname I'm proud of, nor was aware of for awhile.

When I made my college decision (currently attending the University of Illinois and studying finance like every other white kid who wants to make money because working in media isn't plausible), a kid I went to grammar school and high school with asked me if I wanted to be roommates. The kicker here was that I would've pushed this kid off a bridge in grammar school with absolutely zero remorse, but ended that after I kicked his ass in eighth grade (nbd). From that point on we were fine and interacted because that's what happens when you go to an all-boys high school with 180 kids in your graduating class- Go Crusaders

Made the decision without even really thinking much about it, he got ass and figured he could push some my way. If you haven't figured this out by now, I'm a fucking hornball, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Only problem here was that my roommate is the biggest horndawg I've ever met. People warned me, but I didn't want to admit I was wrong.

He went out every single night of the first two months of school, and cashed in at a pretty high clip, can't hate the hustle. I was a tweak and a half the first few months of school and worried about staying ahead on assignments and whatnot. I had a bigger stick up my ass than Freddie Mercury during the '80s. This meant I had to be the "cool roommate" and leave whenever he decided to play a home game- he didn't even have the heart to ask me if I wanted to join in once, I was certain the lovely ladies wondered what Paris was like this time of year.

This is where things get interesting, on a hungover Sunday morning as I was waiting for my omelette to be made and hustling to put in my NFL bets, a girl walks up to me and asks:

"Hey, are you the Inn Keeper?"

"Sorry, not sure who the Inn Keeper is."

"Well you live on the 13th Floor and are Jack's roommate right?"

"Well fuck, I guess I'm the Inn Keeper!"

From that point forward, this was my version of I'm the one who knocks. If I felt like being an asshole, guess what buddy, you're sticking it in her ass in the stairwell or community bathroom (both real occurrences). At that point, he started fucking in the room with me being the lightest sleeper of all-time, he definitely has some freaky fucking fetish, but we don't kink shame here. Want an even better description of him? Here's a fake Greek rank made by someone in his name, but it's not too far from something he'd say

At this point, it's a funny nickname that I've embraced. Regardless, I'm excited to get writing at The Goonery, if you want a sense of what I've done in the past check out my shit at Let's get weird, ladies and gentlemen, and Bears +3.

Thanks for your stay

-The Inn Keeper

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