Congrats to Derek Jeter, the most overrated shortstop of all-time, on being elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Jeter deserved to be a first-ballot guy, so don't go twisting my words, but for all of you who say it's a travesty he wasn't unanimous, just remember, neither was Ken Griffey Jr.. You wan't even further proof? In Jeter's 20-years of playing for the Yankees, he had a career WAR of 72.4, whereas Mike Trout has a career WAR of 72.5 through 9-years in The Show. But, I digress, moving on.
Golly gee! How did those get there?!?!?
But enough on Jeter's on-field performance, it's time to breakdown his off the field performance. An All-Star Starting 9 that has the potential to go toe-to-toe with any other human-being's kill list, and a chance to stand tall at the end of October, if the right manager assembles it.
1. Jessica Alba- CF
Consistency is key at the top of the lineup, and Alba has been in the public eye since the early 90s, with very little controversy surrounding her. People got their panties in a bunch when she put signs up in OKC about the diminishing Great White Shark population, but she eventually donated money to the United Way as an apology (hero).
2. Hannah Jeter (Davis)- Pitcher
Jeter may have spent 20-years in the American League, but this lineup is electing against utilizing Tyra Banks at DH and plugging the Captain's wife in the 2-hole. The most consistent member of the roster, it only makes sense to put her in what is widely regarded as the part of the lineup reserved for the best hitter. Oh and wanna know what's even better? She was pregnant in that picture, good for #2.
3. Minka Kelly- Catcher
The power hitting catcher slots into the 3-hole with ease. There might be some bias with this one because I fell in love with her watching Friday Night Lights, but as a successful manager, I like what I've seen in Spring Training and feel comfortable enough to make this decision. Might not be Mike Piazza at the dish, but I expect Pudge Rodriguez like defense behind the dish.
4. Mariah Carey- LF
Boom or bust like you read about, put the power can't be denied here. Wasn't around for her prime, but you can't forget the past.
5. Scarlett Johansson- SS
When your clean-up hitter has as much boom or bust material as Mariah does, you need someone who's a threat in the 5-hole. A spot often reserved for the teams best run producer, it's fitting that we put the Shortstop here, because she continues to deliver.
6. Vanessa Minnillo- 3B
I'll be completely honest, I've never even heard of Vanessa before this list, but slotting her at six just feels right. A spot in the lineup that is often seen as a poor-man's cleanup spot, I like the third basemen succeeding here in a low risk, high reward type of situation.
7. Adriana Lima- 2B
Not a ton of power potential here, but you have to admire the model walking the Victoria Secret catwalk 20 times over here career. That's the type of consistency I need out of my second basemen in the bottom-third of the lineup.
8. Jordana Brewster- 1B
9. Jessica Biel- RF
Some current off the field issues are the reason for Biel being slotted so low in the line up, but I don't see her staying here for too long. But who knows, the 9-spot is often referred to as your second leadoff man, and this could be a role Biel excels in.
Some adjustments might be necessary throughout the year (looking at you Mariah), but it's never a bad thing to have a bat like Tyra Banks coming off the bench. With how this lineup looks right now, I'm predicting a 101-61, AL East Championship season before this thing implodes.
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-The Inn Keeper