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Bad Word Prompts Assault Investigation Thanks To Reporter’s Thin Skin

“SEX!!!” – My old friend from college, Big Joe

One of the oft repeated cries of the contemporary feminist movement is that shouting ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’, at a female reporter, constitutes some kind of assault (just google the term ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’ and you’ll see what I mean). This is particularly hilarious because these incidents tend to involve local news reporters, and local news coverage is intentionally saturated with stories about actual assaults – like the handyman who killed all those old ladies in that NYCHA complex in Brownsville, the hookers they were finding dead all over Gilgo Beach, or that preppy groper guy who used to get dressed up real nice and grab women’s asses at subway stops in lower Manhattan. Those were very real assaults that local news outlets covered because traffic and weather are readily available on your phone, and these TV and radio stations know the only way to get people to consume their product is to scare them into tuning in.

On the other hand, an incident that recently took place on the streets of Ontario, is the farthest thing from an actual assault: Police in Canada are investigating after a TV reporter was harassed by a man who hurled a vulgar comment at her as she filmed a segment.

Krista Sharpe, a reporter for Canadian broadcaster CTV, was filming in the town of Kitchener in Ontario, when a driver yelled “F–k her in the p–y” out his car window before speeding away.

Okay, I will give these people a slight benefit of the doubt because it’s Canada and they’re the most polite people on the planet, so it’s entirely possible that the public use of two curse words in one sentence actually does constitute an assault in the province, but I still find the whole thing ridiculous. Canada after all is the country that popularized hockey; a sport in which brutes with poor dental health beat the shit out of each other with sticks and sometimes fists – behavior sanctioned by fans and officials who are presumably Canadian.

The journalist shared the footage on Twitter Monday, writing: “This is not funny and it’s not cool.”

“As much as I’d love to say it doesn’t bother me, it does. It makes me feel like sh-t,” she wrote.

First of all, you can barely make out what the guy said. Second, shouting ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’ is indeed hilarious. It’s such a stupid, cheeseball joke that we have to be beyond finding any offense in it whatsoever. It’s just one of those things where you and a buddy are driving along, and you’re like, “oh shit, there’s a news camera, we gotta do something ridiculous” so you yell “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy!” and speed away laughing. They weren’t actually imploring people to come fuck this woman in the pussy, she wasn’t getting violently assaulted on top of a pin ball machine, she had someone yell a mildly vulgar, slightly dated pop culture reference in her general direction. If it made her ‘feel like shit’ then she is part of the problem and is not cut out for a job in the public eye.

Sharpe said the harassment was especially worrisome since she often works alone, adding:

“This still happens to female reporters everywhere and it needs to stop.”

The Waterloo Regional Police responded to Sharpe’s tweet, saying officers would be looking into the matter.

By the way, does anything sound more Canadian than ‘The Waterloo Regional Police assigning officers to look into the use of naughty language on an urban street?

I get being a bit rattled if you’re working alone and someone shouts at you unexpectedly, but that’s really just your fight or flight response kicking in. It’s not an actual threat. If you wanna know what a real threat against a journalist looks like there was an incident from a few years back where a reporter and her camera man were murdered while out on a story. That’s danger. James Foley was kidnapped by ISIS while covering the war in Syria. His brutal beheading was filmed and distributed as propaganda. That’s real danger. Fuck Her Right In The Pussy is not dangerous to anyone. I remember when Jameis Winston yelled ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’ in the cafeteria and people tried to use it as proof that he was a rapist. What those people were forgetting is that the phrase ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’, despite mentioning the penetration of a woman’s vagina, is nothing more than a crude joke. My buddy Big Joe used to do something similar. He would sit down at a random table of people in the cafeteria, wait for a quiet moment, and then shout the word ‘SEX’ at the top of his lungs. It was one of those things that at 20 years old, would have me in tears laughing for several minutes. This is the kind of thing we’re talking about here; tears of laughter, not tears as a result of violent sodomy.

Waterloo Regional Police Chief Bryan Larkin said the footage, which has since been shared thousands of times, could be submitted as evidence, the CBC reported.

“This incident is unacceptable, vulgar and offensive. No one should be subjected to hate and bullying within workplace,” Larkin tweeted.

If I was a serial killer in Canada, like infamous cat\people killer\fashion icon Luka Magnotta, I would hire people to drive around yelling ‘Fuck Her Right In The Pussy’ anytime they saw a reporter out on the street. The cops would be so busy trying to eliminate this imminent threat to Canadian women that I could go around murdering the fuck out of people and the investigation would never get off the ground because resources would be tied up trying to figure out who has been driving around on a mission to briefly and mildly annoy reporters.

If this sounds insensitive, well I’m sorry, I am just tickled by the seriousness with which the Waterloo PD is treating this case. Either one of their higher ups is trying to bang this chick or she has pictures of the mayor’s dick on file and is threatening to release them to the public. In no way should this much effort be put into cracking the case of the profane driver. I feel like this is going to come to an end with a gallows being erected in a public square and guys in tri-corner hats and powdered wigs leading the perpetrator to his execution in a horse drawn carriage as law abiding citizens pelt him with rotten vegetables and Holy water. I also hope that he’s offered the chance for a few last words and decides to go with “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy.”

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