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2020 NFL Draft Round 1 Quick Hitter

All in all, a rather boring First Round across the board. As a Bears' fan, it's not that I expected much to begin with, but the biggest fuck up production wise was Roger Goodell announcing that Las Vegas will be hosting the 2020 NFL Draft. Look, I get these are strange times, but how the hell do you fuck that one up Roger? You got that nervous in front of the one IT guy in your basement and the 12 Raiders' fans on the Zoom call?

None of the analysis in this is going to be about x's and o's, keep that in mind

You're making $40 million a year, and this is your basement? This looks like any basement that a lawyer with 3 kids and a wife he hasn't touched in 6 years sulks down to and watches reruns on Seinfeld and a glass of Whisky every night. Not that it's a BAD basement by any stretch of the imagination, you just expect more from someone making this much money. If I'm somehow making $40 million at any point in my life and my basement/man cave looks anything like this, come burn my house down and I'll understand. The insurance check will pay for it anyways.

Just another reminder that Adam Silver is better at his job than you

NFL Coaches have some unreal set-ups

Looks like Kliff is about to get caught giving himself the five-knuckle shuffle by his step-daughter with this setup. If he's living this lavishly making head coach money and Roger's securing a $40 million bag every year, I don't want to make $40 million anymore. I hate Kliff, but he's so fucking cool.

Now that's a fucking office. Wonder if Zimmer can still legally hunt with his eyesight.

He's about to roll out with Jarrett Stidham as his starting Quarterback and still win the AFC East, what else did you expect? And if you really thought the Patriots were going to draft someone at 23, you clearly haven't watched an NFL Draft since Belichick has taken over.

Maybe it's me missing $1 Jagerbombs from Friday Happy Hours at School, but Andy looks like every ATO from UIUC on Friday's, from combining the bombs into one cup, to the Hawaiin shirt, Coach Reid makes me miss school even more.

That's right, I know Joe Exotic was able to convince someone they were gay because he preferred a big dick in his porn, but anyone know what Joe was up to back in the day.


Rodgers being quoted earlier in the day saying it'd be pretty cool if they were able to give him some weapons and turning around and drafting Jordan Love is lol funny. You'd think Rodgers and the Front Office would be close enough to make a decision together, but then again, this is Aaron Rodgers we're talking about. I know he's under contract until 2024, but there's a higher likelihood of him making a return to the Family Turkey Bowl than playing in Green Bay until 2024. I'd say he'd head to Dallas after they quit playing footsies with Dak, but with Mike McCarthy taking over, there's not a chance in hell. He's really going to take over in Tampa after Brady retires, isn't he?

As a Bears fan, this was fun to see the Packer fans in my life explode about the Packers refusing to retool, despite overplaying their talent level all year. They're not gonna know what hits em when Foles puts his dick on the table against them in the fall (please).

Do you have to have a sob story to be a first round pick?

I really don't want to go too in depth on this one, but man, it felt like I was watching a Lifetime movie all night long. Lost parents, lost siblings, life-saving surgeries, couch surfing, climbing over dead bodies, man oh man did it make me feel lucky. And I hope that most people watching around the world were able to have a similar takeaway after hearing these stories, especially during these times. Sure, these kids are reaching the mountaintop and hopefully setting their families up for the rest of their lives, but if you were able to listen to these stories all night and weren't able to relate, you're doing alright.

I wish I went to an SEC school

For reference, I go to the University of Illinois. I'm receiving an excellent education, have an incredibly fun campus where you're able to get into bars at 19, and am paying in-state tuition of about $27,000! The football team sucks despite what anyone tells you, and they'll never be more than a 6 or 7 win team under Love Smith in the Big Ten. Basketball is fucking awesome, yeah Coach Underwood just lost Ayo Dosunmu, but also has a top 15 2020 recruiting class. The winning culture is back at the State Farm Center, but the campus still smells like cow shit if the wind is blowing the right way, you win some you lose some.

College hoops are awesome, but I'm a football guy, plain and simple. 15 players in the first fucking round? That's not even fair, and the Big Ten is arguably the second best conference in college football. If I could do it all over again, I think without a doubt I'd head south and end up in SEC Country and being the token "Northerner" in whatever Frat I would've ended up in. I applied to Tennessee in high school, and considering I'm scouring the internet looking for a Bluetick Coonhound to adopt at the moment, mu sub conscience is clearly telling me something.

For shits and gigs- Power Ranking the SEC Schools I'd attend

1. Tennesse

2. LSU

3. Auburn

4. Alabama

5. Georgia

6. Vanderbilt

7. Florida

8. Texas A&M

9. Kentucky

10. Ole Miss

11. South Carolina

12. Arkansas

13. Missouri

14. Mississippi State

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