It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering. From u/su...

Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon Me why? From u/professorf on Reddit

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately it doesn't have a home page. From u/Robopi314 on Reddit

The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean. Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited. From u/chronic_avidne...

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? For hispanic attacks From u/JonathanWickers on Reddit

A man approached a very beautiful woman A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here ...

A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to build a community swimming pool. So, I handed him a glass of water. From u/gr8prajwalb ...

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me naked... ...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure. From u/5slipsandagully on ...

I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory I’ll beheading there shortly From u/jk72788 on Reddit

I love how the Earth rotates It makes my day From u/martmartm on Reddit

NASCAR bans the confederate flag? Finally a turn in the right direction. From u/Mattzlo on Reddit

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake? Fat. You get fat. From u/chaos_unleashed on Reddit

‌‌Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather’s V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction. Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articular...

I bought my friend an Elephant for her room... She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it" From u/studentadvisor101 on Reddit

My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I have had a Canon printer for years. From u/porich...

My wife just threw away my favourite herb. She's such a Thyme waster From u/CMDR_Gungoose on Reddit

Today I launched a book aimed at 9-12 year olds. I proud to say I managed to hit one of the little shits! From u/PSN_Clamour_kid on Reddit

I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately It means a lot to him From u/DieserBene on Reddit

What do you after an Apple turns bad? You open windows. From u/Di_Ma_Re_Bra on Reddit

My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?” I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.” From u/porichoygupto on Reddit